Realpolitik mit LEGO®
If you've ever come across an unfinished page on this site, you might have an inkling that I'm interested in Lego. Really embarrassingly interested in all things Lego. I even make my own things with it. For shame.
One of the appealling things about The Lego Company is their resistance to making sets with real-world weapons. OK, they have knights with swords, scurvy pirates, and gun-toting frontiersmen, but they still haven't made any tanks, jet fighters, atommick bombs or other up-to-the-minute implements of destruction. Bless them.
Of course, in these modern times, Homeland Security reasons that if little Johnny's building blocks aren't capable of fighting terrorism, they must be terrorism. Which means Lego's forbearance isn't going to win sales. So they've had to compromise. Enter Dino Attack.
Now little Johnny can proudly support our boys on the front line by spending his pocket money on
war bonds Lego Humvees and attack helicopters. That'll put the fear of god into those
filthy dinosaurs.
The Lego copywriters are clearly getting into the spirit of things. Take this quote from the description of set 7475, Fire Hammer vs. Mutant Lizards.
"Bring the hammer down on the dinos! Mutant dinosaurs have taken over a section of the city, but Viper and the fire hammer are ready to take it back! The Xenon Multi-Mode Launcher really shoots to bring down the monstrous creatures."
Back in Europe, however, Dino Attack doesn't exist. Instead, you can get Dino 2010.
At first glance, it looks pretty similar to Dino Attack, but instead of bristling with weapons, the vehicles have useful winches and dinosaur cages. And the copy is much less bombastic - it even suggests that it might be more about dinosaurs eating people than the other way around:
"Get the captured dino back to base! One escaped dinosaur has been captured and is ready for transport in the 4WD Dino Trapper. But other dinos have picked up the scent and are closing in! Will the dino hunter make it back to base with his catch? You decide!"
The real point of this long and winding tale is that Lego dinosaurs have arrived in New Zealand. Now, part of the reason we moved to NZ was to get away from Tony Blair and the UK's apparent desire to follow the US in everything it does. NZ is a much saner place - they don't even allow nuclear powered or armed American warships to visit here. At all. How amazing is that? So you can probably see I expected to see friendly educational Dino 2010 on the shelves at Toyworld.
Shock horror - we got Dino Attack. In the eyes of The Lego Company, NZ is geopolitically equivalent to the United States! Mind you, since the box text is in French as well as English, we must be in the same boat as the Canadians, and they always seemed like nice people. Personally, I blame Australia.
Of course, nothing is what it seems. Maybe Dino Attack is an attempt to relieve dinosaur population pressure via a humane cull? Perhaps the Lego hunters agonise about it when they get home, while the Lego trappers from Dino 2010 count their money and laugh: They've been out catching dinosaurs because their large eyes are excellent for Draize Testing, and they aren't as cute as fluffy bunny rabbits.